Christian, exmormon

Twinkle Lights…

One of my Facebook memories from today was an excerpt from the book; Ending Your Day Right by Joyce Meyer it said, “The highest call on your life is to enjoy God. But you can’t enjoy Him if you are convinced He is upset with you. Jesus came to deliver you from the wrong kind of fear in your relationship with your heavenly Father. You should be relaxed in His presence. You need to have reverential fear, the kind that provokes respect, honor, and obedience. But you must refuse to believe any thoughts that the Lord is angry with you.

You are no surprise to God. Jeremiah 1:5 states that before He formed you in the womb, God knew you! He knew what He was getting when He drew you into a relationship with Himself. He already knows the things you will do wrong in the future. God is not nearly as hard to get along with as you think He is. It is not your sin that hinders you, it is unbelief!”

Oh, how often I still struggle with this concept.  It is so hard to let go of the thought, “I will never be good enough for God”.  Life is hard.  Every day is a struggle.  That’s one of the things that has been the hardest things for me to accept as a Christian.  I want God to make life easy.  I want Him to say, “Hey you’ve accepted me, here ya go… here’s an easy life”. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way.

gods plan

John 10:10 says, “The thief’s purpose is to steal kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”  God has a plan and a purpose for each of us.  We are our own biggest barriers. The devil uses us as a wedge to get between us and God.  He feeds on our fears and our doubts.  We fall into that trap and we often feel worthless.

I remember growing up the struggle I had with myself and believing that God loved me.  I struggled with feeling that I was good enough.  I struggled to find happiness.  I spent a good part of my life searching for joy, for happiness, for purpose and meaning.  I really believed the mantra of; I’ll be happy when… but when those moments came, I was happy for a moment but it didn’t last very long and then I was focused on the next big thing that I wanted in my life. I had no identity and no real purpose for living other than what my religion told me.

Growing up I often struggled with the thought that God was mad at me. I struggled with believing that God could love me even after some of the things I had done.  At times I felt like God wanted nothing to do with me. I believed the more I accomplished in my life, the more God would love me.  The better chance I would have at going to Heaven.  I believed the lie that I could do enough.

When I found Christ, I was at rock bottom in my life.  I was at a point where everything I was afraid of happening was and I had lost all hope for myself and my future. I felt worthless and hopeless. It wasn’t that there wasn’t anything good in my life, it was just I was so focused on the big things, I couldn’t see the amazing details of my life.

little things

As I have mentioned many times, I am a huge fan of Brene Brown.  I love her books and insights, I love watching her Ted Talks and using them to help people improve their lives.  One of my favorite Brene Brown quotes is, “Twinkle lights are the perfect metaphor for joy. Joy is not a constant.  It comes to us in moments – often ordinary moments.  Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy chasing down extraordinary moments.  Other times were so afraid of the dark that we don’t let ourselves enjoy the light. I believe a joyful life is made up of joyful moments gracefully strung together by trust, gratitude, inspiration, and faith.”

It’s so easy to get caught up in the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s, or become so afraid of doing things or afraid of the good moments that I don’t take time to enjoy them. But God didn’t create us with a spirit of fear.  God created us to draw near to Him when we struggle.  God isn’t a god of anger.  He is our Creator.  He loves us and wants us.

joy

The closer I draw to God the more twinkle lights I have in my life.  Knowing God, helps me appreciate the small moments in life. He helps me embrace the struggles and find meaning and purpose in every situation.  I think because I have found purpose in Christ and I know He loves me regardless of anything, it is easier for me to appreciate the small things in life.  Life isn’t about the big extraordinary moments.  It’s about learning to appreciate the small everyday things knowing that God has your back.

I’m just a Small Town Girl…living in a world of twinkle lights.

 

 

Christian

There’s a place for everyone

Hey everyone.  Sorry I missed last week.  I got my wisdom teeth out and with everything that followed I forgot to write.  But now I am pretty much healed up and excited to continue!

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about people in the Bible and how God was able to use them no matter what circumstances they were in.  He uses us the same way.  No matter our circumstances, no matter how broken we think we are, God has a plan for each and every one of us that will use our skills and gifts He has given us to the fullest and further His kingdom.

god uses peop;e

God uses all sorts of people to witness and disciple to others; people from all walks of life.  Jesus himself used sinners and tax collectors to help spread the Gospel.  Think of Paul.  He was one of the biggest persecutors of Jesus’s followers until God changed his heart.  After that Paul helped the church grow so much and helped write a large portion of the New Testament.  God chose David, the smallest and youngest of his family, to defeat Goliath and become king.  He also used David to do so many more amazing things even though he was an adulterer and did a lot of other bad things. God can use you, no matter how broken, no matter what we’ve done.  God has a plan for each and every one of us.  He is going to use you to do amazing things!

I never thought God was going to use me for outreach.  I’m an introvert.  I don’t like talking to people I don’t know.  I won’t talk to anyone I’m not super close to unless they talk to me first.  I always thought God would use me to build up other Christians that I already knew.  I thought He would use me to help my friends and family grow in Christ and maybe bring some of my non-Christian friends to Christ.  But God had other plans.  I’m going to be a Chi Alpha leader, which means I have to go out and talk to people I don’t know a lot of the time, as well as building up my friends, old and new.  He is going to be using me in ways I never imagined, but He knows I have the skills I’m going to need in order to do my job as a student leader.

god can use you

God has a plan for all of us.  He has a way to use everyone.  And with that we need to remember the lesson taught by Balaam.

One of my favorite people in the Bible is Balaam.  In Numbers chapter 22, Balak son of Zippor sent a message to Balaam asking him to place a curse on Israel, but God said, “You are not to curse these people, for they have been blessed.” In response to Balak’s persistence, Balaam said, “Even if Balak were to give me his palace filled with silver and gold, I would be powerless to do anything against the will of the Lord my God.”  Balaam is so dedicated to God.  He refuses to do anything that is not God’s will.  So whatever God’s plan is for us, we need to listen.

gifts

I didn’t want to be a Chi Alpha leader.  I thought there was too much wrong in my past and that I couldn’t do it because of my introvertedness.  But, like Balaam, I chose to follow God’s plan for me, no matter what doubts or fears I had.  God has a great plan for you.  He will use you in the best way possible.  And it’s your job to follow that plan no matter what.

I’m just the daughter of a small town girl… following God’s will.

Images taken from Google.