It has been a crazy few weeks! Between holidays, sickness, work, and family stressors, I am so glad to be getting life back on track. It’s been a while since I have typed a blog. I have really struggled with my focus and with where God is taking me. I have had a lot of change in my life over the past year and the last few weeks my life has felt overwhelming.
Last night as all the thoughts and events were going through my head and I was trying to stress myself out, God whispered to me, “It’s OK I’ve got this.” It amazes me, how in the past, the events of my life that I am currently dealing with would have sent me into a tail spin and today, I can stop and know that God is in control and he has a lot bigger and better plans for my life than I do.
I wasn’t overwhelmed about anything specific but just life in general. The last few weeks there have just been a lot of things going on in my already crazy world and I have just been able to feel the weight of all of them. I think the thing that stands out to me most right now is that as a Mormon life often felt overwhelming. It often felt like I had a lot on my plate and not enough time to even think about it all. My life as a Christian I think is more busy, just because of life circumstances, but most of the time it is not as overwhelming.
My last blog I wrote about religion and the frustrations and irritations I have with organized religion. What’s funny about that is I have realized over the last few weeks how much I love church, or I guess my church and my church family.
Brian and I have the amazing opportunity to be a part of the tech team at our church. Brian runs the sound and I take care of the slides and videos for the church. We are at church early on Sunday mornings, and I am usually finishing up the power point presentation when I get home from work on Saturday. As much as I love what I do at church sometimes I really don’t want to get up on Sunday mornings. But… it doesn’t matter how I feel on Sunday morning, it doesn’t matter, if I take the time to get up and fix my hair and do my makeup, or if I just wear a sweatshirt and throw my hair up into a ponytail, I am always grateful that I showed up at church.
I enjoy the people I interact with, they always ask about my adult kids and how they are doing in their lives. And I very much enjoy Pastor Roger’s messages every week. The worship does one of 2 things, sometimes both at the same time. It will bring me to tears or brighten my mood. In many ways church has become my happy place. It is one of my favorite places to be.
I haven’t always loved church. Growing up, I despised church, I hated going. What teenager wants to go spend 3 hours listening to how you need to be a good person, live morally, listen to the prophets, “look at all the hard choices your leaders were faced with and they still made good choices, you can do it too.” For me they were shame and guilt filled messages that reminded me I would never be good enough. I rarely came home from church feeling like I was loved and with my mood brightened. I was inspired and encouraged by some of the stories, but most often, I was reminded of how big of a failure and disappointment I was to those “amazing examples of the gospel” around me.
I think there is a huge difference between church and religion. When Brian and I first became Christians, we attended a church that had 3 services. There were a lot of people from many different walks of life who chose to worship there. We met some amazing people there are we are still friends with some of those people today. God led us to our current church and from the minute I walked in I loved the atmosphere. I loved the people. And I loved that I could be me. I walked into our church and saw just that people in different phases of life, with different struggles, different perspectives, but all of them love God. Even in the big church we attended people weren’t there out of obligation, to fulfill a calling, or to check mark the box on their weekly to do list. It was about giving back to God by loving other people.
So, even with the struggles I have with religion, I think church is essential. My last blog I asked 3 questions, Do you know God? Do you have a relationship with Him? And are you being accountable in that relationship? I think church helps me answer these questions. My relationship with God is personal and can only be between Him and me, but it is though worship and surrounding myself with others that know Him and live according to His word that help me to grow closer to Him. I am held accountable by being around the people who know me and challenge me to grow in my relationship with Christ. So as much as I hate religion, church is my favorite!
I’m just a Small Town Girl…loving my church!