Well, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted anything. I enjoyed a great vacation and am adjusting to new changes in my life. But, I’m back and pray that I can continue to post on a more regular basis.
Facebook reminded me today that 1 year ago today is when I started writing my blog. It’s amazing how fast time seems to go and how many things can change in 1 year. One year ago, my life was so different than it is now and the changes that have happened in my life weren’t even on my radar a year ago. However, there is one thing I have been praying for, for the last 2-3 years and God finally gave me a yes and a wide-open door to that prayer.
For the past 2-3 years, I have struggled with my place of employment. I have spent a lot of time pleading with God to open the doors for a new place to work. I went to interviews and whatever the circumstance, the timing wasn’t right. No matter how many times the door shut in my face, I knew in God’s time, He would provide what I was praying for. Although, the last several months have been very difficult, I know God is watching over me and only wants the best for me. My answered prayer is a new place of employment and for the first time in a long time, I’m excited about the future of my career.
I still struggle sometimes with that internal dialogue of not feeling good enough when God doesn’t give me the answers I want when I pray. I often think it’s because I’m not good enough for God or I’m not living right. It’s amazing how quickly those thoughts can over take me when God says, “No” or “Not right now”. I get so caught up in what I want, I forget that God loves me and has a plan for me.
In my Mormon belief system, the ongoing message was live according to what the church teaches you and Heavenly Father will answer your prayers. One high up leader, Boyd K. Packer said, “Keep your covenants and you will be safe. Break them and you will not.” A more recent quote by another high up LDS leader, David A. Bednar said, “Ordinary people who faithfully, diligently, and consistently, do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results”.
I feel like when I was growing up, I was never really taught about God’s love. I believed God’s love was contingent on being the faithful, diligent, consistent Mormon; which I was not even close to. So, how could God love me? I believed God’s love was always connected to how I was living my life and when prayers weren’t answered, it was because I needed to learn something or because I wasn’t reading my scriptures enough. I think back now about being a kid and the things I prayed for. It’s a good thing God doesn’t answer every prayer.
As a Christian, I have learned God’s love is unconditional. I don’t have to earn it. I don’t have to be good enough. It doesn’t matter what I have done in my life, God loves me. I am His child. It still blows me away when I stop and think about God, he created the universe and he created me. He wants the best for me in my life.
Now when prayers aren’t answered, I know it’s because God has something better for me. When those thoughts creep into my head and I feel like I have to be better, I stop, and laugh at myself because I know God isn’t going to withhold blessings because I’m not good enough.
I’m just a Small Town Girl…living in a world of God’s unconditional love.