Well, this Small Town Girl is back at it. Before I get started I want to thank Cheyenne for writing my blog while I was out. She did a great job. I am so proud of her. She has such a heart for God and is a great example to me.
The last several months have been a huge struggle for me. The end of February I fell and injured my hand and shoulder. In the last 3 months, I have had 2 major surgeries and one minor surgery. There have been times when I have felt as if I was being tossed around on the waves and whipped around in the wind and yet I felt God’s calming presence in the chaos. Even though I was in the midst of the storm and most often after a moment (days) of panic and struggle God calmed me and I knew it would be ok. Then there were times when the chaos died down and things didn’t seem to be so bad. God would calm the storm and although, I knew the struggle wasn’t over, I knew it was God who was in charge of the storm.
I’m still in the midst of the storm and have a very long road ahead. Through it all, there were ups and downs and there are many more to come. So many days, I struggled with depression and being overwhelmed by the current life I was living. “This isn’t how my life was supposed to go! Life isn’t supposed to be this hard”. I already overcame that struggle and yet, here I am struggling with many of the same feelings I have fought so hard to move past. Life is supposed to be easier with God. Right?
I don’t think God ever promised anything would be easy. Actually, if you read the Bible, most of the people in the Bible that God used had a very hard and difficult road. People like Jonah, Gideon, Moses, David, Rahab, Rachel, Paul, they all had very hard situations they had to work through. Their situations required God’s guidance and direction.
God had great plans for their lives. Their struggles and hardships are documented in the greatest book of all time. God had a purpose for their struggle. I don’t think Jonah ever thought “I bet I’m going down in the history books for being swallowed by a whale”! He didn’t want to go through the struggle but in the end, he did what God wanted and God used his struggle to help others and we get to read about Jonah in the Bible. Life isn’t supposed to be easy especially when we do things on our own.
Recently, I had a very important but difficult situation I had to confront. The outcome of this situation would be life altering. I was so anxious and nervous. Consumed with my own expectations in life and how limited I was in the situation. I had no control. I knew in the situation I was in there was absolutely nothing that I could do to affect the outcome. And honestly, I was unsure of what I wanted the outcome to be. As I was waiting for this situation to resolve its self, Danny Gokey’s song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” came on the radio and I broke down in tears. I felt it was God saying to me, “I know things have been hard. I know you are grieving and hurt, but you are going to be ok. I have great things for you”.
My life has been altered by this whole experience and it will never be the same. I still have a long road ahead but today is a new beginning for me. The situation I discussed above is still unresolved. I still have a long road for recovery. There is a lot of unknown in my world but the one thing I know for certain is that God is in control of my future and He has bigger and better plans for me than I can ever have for myself.
Every day I still struggle with the overwhelming feelings, I fight the depression and the desire to stay in bed and hide from the world. But when I take time to talk to God and remember He is the one who is writing the script to my life, it makes it a little easier. I’m so glad to be back writing my blog and I’m looking forward to where this new path will lead. I hope you all will be patient and willing to continue to ride through this storm with me.
I’m Just a Small Town Girl… Living in a Stormy World.