I had no intentions of writing a blog today. But as I was lying in bed this morning at 6:00 wide awake, listening to the wind blowing through the trees outside, I began thinking about Christmas and what it means. God told me I would be writing a blog today.
Christmas has always been a difficult holiday for me. If you haven’t gathered from my previous blog posts, I struggle with fake people. I struggle with the thought of me being fake. I want people to be real and authentic. I want to know the real you and I think that is one reason why I struggle so much with Christmas. Most of us go about our busy lives barely having time to acknowledge each other. We are rude, self-centered, or indifferent to those around us. And yet, December 24th-December 25th we are all about giving, not receiving. We reflect on purpose and meaning and life, and December 26th, we’re back to the same rude, self-centered, and indifferent people we were before. I have a hard time with that. To me that isn’t real. To me that’s fake, no matter what your intentions are during that week. And yet, I am the same way.
The second reason I struggle so much with Christmas is because I have a hard time receiving gifts, no matter the occasion. I have always been blessed at Christmas time with an abundance of gifts. I never felt worthy of any gifts I received, at Christmas there is such an excess. During Christmas I struggle most with depression, guilt, and shame. I am blessed beyond measure and have so much I don’t deserve. At Christmas time I am always reminded of how blessed I am, and I feel such shame because I feel I don’t show people the gratitude and appreciation that I often should.
As I was lying in bed this morning, I was thinking what’s the point, what’s the purpose of Christmas? I don’t feel in the Christmas Spirit. I feel so rushed, I’m broke, I’m tired. The shopping is done, tree is up, presents wrapped, the cinnamon rolls are made for Christmas breakfast. I’ve been listening to Christmas music and I’ve watched a few Christmas movies, but I’m just not feeling it. As my mind was wandering, I thought of a story a family a church shared. They got out their Nativity set and couldn’t find the Baby Jesus. The mom of the family said, “I felt what it was like not to have Jesus”.
The whole point of Christmas is so that God could come down and become man, go through the same struggles that we go through, face sin and WIN, become the blood sacrifice needed to cover the law so that we all can be forgiven and given the gift of grace. Christ bridged the gap between us and God so we can be forgiven and have eternal life. The whole reason for the birth of Christ was to give us purpose. I love the Christmas song O Holy Night. The words “Long lay the world in sin and error pining til He appeared and the soul felt it’s worth” didn’t have any impact on me until I became a Christian. I didn’t feel I had any worth until I gave my life to Christ. We didn’t know our worth until Christ came down. He was born, lived, and died for you and me.
If we have no purpose in life what is the point of living? If there is no point in living why are we still here?
When I think of my those who live without Christ, my heartbreaks for them. I didn’t know what true living was until I accepted Christ as my Savior. I didn’t know true freedom until I let go of the things of this world and focused on something bigger than myself.
Every time I write my blog I reflect on how far I’ve come. I am truly a new creation in Christ. He made me new, not refurbished, not repaired, new.
By the end of the day I realized, I have been so caught up in the worldly view of Christmas, the rush, money, gifts, and the commercialized view of Christmas, I forgot of the real reason we celebrate Christmas.
Christ is the real reason. If I keep my focus on Christ that he is my whole reason for being, then I forget about all the business and advertised aspects of Christmas and remember the simple manger in a simple stable with a 2 ordinary people who became the parents of the King of the World. Keeping my focus on Christ keeps Christmas simple, less stressful, and helps me feel fulfilled.
I’m just a small town girl…Trying to keep Christ in Christmas.
Some videos to help express my thoughts.